Catch up!!!

OK, so I haven't blogged in a while, although I swear I have intended to. So much I have on my mind, so many things I need to get out.
I had my first post grad reality check last Friday. I got hit by that "Holy shit, I'm not in college anymore" feeling. I was on my way to my very first major job fair in Atlanta, and I got so scared. Scared to the point that I almost chickened out. But if I had done that, it would just make me like all those others that settle for whatever. What would it be worth if I didn't have to overcome something to get it? Granted, it didn't go AT ALL like I thought it would, but some good did come from it. The representatives from the NSA were assholes. I think it would have been less offensive if they had ripped up my resume right in front of me. Yet, I did find alot of interesting possibilities, and thanks to my friend Fernando, have found a silver lining! I may get to do something other than be a bilingual sales rep after all!
*Aside: I love Atlanta!!!!*
Other than that, the knee situation is going so much slower than I want it to, and I keep wondering if it doesn't have to do with my lack of insurance. I'm afraid my knee may be healing the wrong way.
In relationship news.....
My ex is back, and I am nothing if not confused. On the upside, he is paying me back what he owes me (finally!), but we're also speaking again, almost as much as we did when we were dating. We've talked about it, and he knows he was a total dick in cheating on me, and he knows how much it hurt me. At least he says he knows it. I don't think he can empathize, however. He has promised never to lie to me again, and I want to believe him, really, I do. But I don't. Every time he tells me he's going to work overnight, I have this horrible sneaking suspicion that he's lying. He may not be! I know this! He may really be working....but I don't trust him. He knows this as well. And you know, he says he loves me, and I love him too. But when I think about it, about telling him I love him, all I can think about is how much I don't trust him. It's a comfort thing. He knows me better than most people. We can talk about anything. I am comfortable with him. The thing is, I know I am so happy without him. I don't NEED him. And I think that's a good thing. We've established that we're not in a relationship, nor will we be until circumstances change. And honestly, I am not planning my life around being closer to him, like I was before. Maybe he thinks I am, but I am not. If it happens, and it works out, fine. That's the difference between now and before. But I can't trust him, and I wish there was some way I could feel that he really is working at regaining that trust. I don't want to date him, not now, not like this. I don't think he's changed - at all.
I have met a really nice guy that I like alot! And I am pretty sure he likes me too. Someone I am genuinely happy around, and have fun with. But he'd better man up....because I want to know how he feels....

No News is Good News

More news on my knee, for anyone who wants to know:
I went to the orthopedic clinic today for a follow-up appointment, since I didn't seem to be getting better like I should. As it turns out, I don't have merely a dislocated kneecap. I also have torn ligaments and when the kneecap slid out of place, a piece of bone came off and is still stuck in my leg. I have an MRI in a week, and I guess from there one of us will have to decide whether I will be better off with surgery or extensive rehab work.
In the meantime, I'm out of work again. This sucks. I have to find something to do to make money while I'm stuck on my ass.

On a lighter note, I met a great guy, who I really, really like. And he made the first move! The only thing is, he's often hard to read. I like him, but I don't want to get too attached, since I'm so afraid of being hurt. I want something, but at the same time I don't. Maybe if he could just say, "I like you"????

Lunita

Llego la medianoche,
Y la luna se cuelga en el cielo humedo de verano
Como un pedazo de melon, jugoso y lleno de tentacion
Y yo, con sueños de bailar
Me quedo mirandola
Como si este pedacito de melon me pudiera llevar
La mujercita con sueños de bailar.
Quitame esos sueños, que ya voy a ganar.

Status and Misunderstandings

Ok, this is getting to be irritating. I do NOT have a boyfriend. I AM single. I am NOT "looking." It seems that people are under the assumption that "single" means "single and looking." It does not. I am not at a point in my life where I want a boyfriend. I spent the last 5+ years of my life constantly being in some sort of relationship. To be honest, I don't need that right now. I'm having fun by myself. I've met guys I enjoy talking with, spending time with, and if the time and/or place were right, it would work out, without a doubt. Just not right now. Is that so wrong? And how do I get that through people's heads without being rude? Because a simple "Thanks, but no thanks" is apparently not sufficient.

New developments

Well, I'm not going back to work tomorrow. Or the next day. I got a call from my boss today and she says she's not putting me on until next Friday. In a way, I'm relieved. I was scared that I would get in there and not be ready. But at the same time, I want to go back. I don't like not being able to do anything. I enjoy working, as stressful as it can be. Work is a blessing. I'm lucky to have a job as nice as the one I have. But at least this way I will be better and more prepared.

On a different note, I SAW THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE!!! Yes, that's right...I went to the midnight show. It was a very good movie, and stuck to the book better than any Potter movie thus far. The actors are phenomenal; wonderfully selected and casted. Nothing was added, as in other movies, like #3 Prisoner of Azkaban. But, there were a few things I thought were left out. I mean, the movie was only 2 hours and 19 minutes! I think true fans wouldn't have minded 3 hours; that's how long Goblet of Fire was. The one main thing I wanted to see in Order of the Phoenix was the Black house. I wish there was more explanation of the Black family history. Kreacher was a major character, and he barely got two scenes. There also wasn't much explanation of the prophecy either. They didn't even say that Professor Trelawney was the one who made it, or discuss Dumbledore's involvement. I feel like I need to go back and read the book again. Actually, I initially listened to it on tape, and it was FANTASTIC. I also wish there would have been more explanation about the Death Eaters and who they were. Screw it, I'm going back to read the book again. There is also an excellent program that A&E has out called "Harry Potter: The Hidden Secrets." Definitely worth a look for a true fan.

Yeah, I'm a dork.

Bleah...

I can't tell if I am getting better or not. It hurts, and both my ankle and knee are still swollen. I am trying to stay off of it, but I think I need to more. Now. For the rest of the night. (Except for the Harry Potter midnight showing tonight.) I've been going up and down the stairs, for laundry...and food. As much as I enjoy reading and sitting in my armchair checking out my rating on "FaceTheJury.com" (8.0), I can't NOT do anything. But at the same time, am I going to be ready for work on Thursday?

On the Menu...

Okay, since I have been spending my time reading and watching plenty of Food Network programming (and, since it's Saturday night, Britcoms), I haven't been able to think about much other than food. I haven't been eating, just thinking about food. And I've come up with a few menus. I love cooking for friends, even though I get a little panicky. Anyone want to come over? I may not be able to get around, but man, have I got some tasty ideas.

*Filet Mignon in a Wild Mushroom and Red Wine reduction
Served over sauteed organic baby spinach
With Yukon potato wedges sprinkled with paprika, sea salt and pepper
Dessert: Lemon Sorbet with fresh mint
Appetizer: French baguette with boursin and brie

*Grated Potato Encrusted Halibut
Steamed Broccoli Raab and white wine-braised yellow squash
seasoned with garlic, fennel, and pepper
Dessert: Chilled watermelon
Appetizer: Goat cheese slices coated in spicy and sweet toasted almonds
served over mixed baby greens

*Italian Sausage with peppers and onions on grilled Italian bread
topped with smoked Provolone
Served with a salad of mixed greens, grape tomatoes, red onion, olives,
and cucumber tossed in a balsamic vinaigrette
Dessert: Bavarian Apple-Almond Torte
Appetizer: Wheat Bruschetta topped with pesto and grated Romano

*Pork Medallions in a dried cherry sauce
Served with whipped sweet potatoes
Grilled baby asparagus
Dessert: Chocolate cake topped with amaretto-infused whipped cream
and fresh raspberries
Appetizer: Pecan-encrusted baked Brie and Granny Smith apple slices

Okay, now I'm hungry....damn.