Why bother?

It seems like anytime I feel like I am moving forward, something comes along to throw me back. Something I though I had beat, something I was sure I'd overcome. I guess that's the way life works. But what I want to know is why I constantly put my faith in people and get my hopes up if I am only going to be let down?

Could someone come along and restore my faith in people? Please? Because I am about to lose it...forever.

Politeness, tact, and variations

Sometimes there's no other way to say it: "Sir/Ma'am, you're an idiot."
Being alone in the office today, I'm left to fend for myself against the various residents here at work. I don't think I could be intentionally impolite if I tried, but sometimes in the aftermath of a conversation (even if it's one-sided), I can sure think of a few bitchy comebacks. I suppose that one of the main objectives of having patience is to test it. I may be in a different career, but I'm still working with customer service, and the whole "The Customer is Always Right" adage still applies, even if said Customer is dead wrong. Or stupid. My mom always told me that it's OK to be smarter than other people, but it's not okay to go around and inform others of the fact. In that sense, I think I've learned to be patient with other people when questioned. But where is the virtue in being patient and tactful if thirty seconds after they leave you feel like banging our head against a brick wall and possibly developing a drinking problem? Is the virtue in having the strength to not act on those urges? Or in not having them at all?

I scratched your back, but I'm still itching!

There is definitely something to be said for doing things for others without expecting anything in return, but at what point do you stop before becoming someone's doormat?
This new job, it's working ok, but I am definitely not going to be here forever. With luck, I won't even be here past the summer. I'm concerned with where my life is going. I'm having the same feelings about my current job that I had towards the end of my time at the Deli. I am considering a second job, but at the same time, I'm also wondering how much longer I can take this one. I could always go back to the Deli, but I am afraid it would be more of a step back than a step forward. Right now it seems like I am having no financial luck right now whatsoever. All of my money goes to bills, and the little extra I can make on the side with tutoring has come to a standstill. Any suggestions? I'm thinking bartending on the weekends....

You want more? I know I didn't...

So, I'm an old lady now. Five years away from the big 3-0. Not that I'm afraid of it or anything. My birthday weekend was great - nice, quiet, and personal, just the way I wanted it. Except for the dog getting sick then my parents and myself getting sick.
Do I feel older? As a matter of fact, I do, and that's not a bad thing. My life is moving along. The only thing about moving along, especially with life, is that there are things that get left behind in order to make room for new things. Trash and knicknacks get tossed out the window, and you give away or throw away things that you don't need anymore. Room is needed to grow.
I'm finding that, as I grow older, my circle of true friends is shrinking. I gain new ones, but as I gain I also seem to lose. I received birthday greetings from many people, half of which I didn't even expect. But yet there were two people that I heard nothing from, and it hurts me more than anything. Why do we let the people we care about hurt us the worst? And when we go to stand up for ourselves, we back down because we wouldn't want to hurt them. It makes no sense. Am I afraid I'll lose them? And if I do, would it truly be a loss? Or merely a gain in disguise?

Soapbox up!

Call me old-fashioned, but I have always believed that a man has nothing without his word. Yet more and more I am coming into contact with men who put little or no value in their own integrity. Maybe it's because my father is a Marine that I value honesty and integrity so much, but as I grow older I'm seeing how important it is in life to be good for my word. I expect a man, or woman, for that matter, to get upset if it is even suggested that he or she is dishonest. I expect that to be the main thing one should stand for. Yet why is it that integrity has gone down in value? Am I wrong? Is it because of the media? Celebrities? Do we see people that we look up to lie and get away with it and somehow that's ok? What is going on? And is it so wrong for you to be questioned if there is a chance that you are being dishonest? It could possibly be that having a "backbone" is no longer a vital requirement. Yes, get upset if you are wrongfully accused. But if you really are in error, a real man (or woman) should be able to bow his or her head and admit it. That is true integrity.



.......Soapbox down.

Overdue

I think I'm way past my due date for a good week. Last week positively sucked, so please, please God let this week get better.....

.....I don't think God is getting my message. I blame technology.

For those of you that may wonder if the MBFW situation has gotten any better: it hasn't. I have yet to receive a phone call or even a text in response to my "Are you already married" question. Nice. I'm not as fired up about it as I was, although it does still upset me, but now I am just trying to figure out how long it might be before I feel like speaking to her again or having any contact. I don't even feel like telling her I'm no longer interested in being a part of the whole thing. At some point I know I have to say something, somehow. I'm thinking a telegram. Delivered by a guy in a uniform who leaves a black sedan parked on the curb. People, like my mom, Queen of Compassion (I have no clue how she does it), tell me not to let one bad instance spoil a ten-year friendship, but it's not just this one situation! It's several instances that just built up to making this one big whammy. Even my GRANDMOTHER has my back! My Uncle Freddy left me a voicemail saying I should feel bad for her fiance (all I could think was, well, yeah, he is being deployed), but his reasoning was that I should feel bad because he'd chosen to spend his life with such a selfish person. My mother also mentioned to her mother how hurt I was. I'm trying to be rational since the circumstances for her early marriage are not so great, and believe me, I understand (and even expected) this happening. But she has had at least five days to get back to me, even with a quick message, and she hasn't. And do I really want to back out of the wedding? I don't know if I want to be part of something where I am consciously left out of the loop and taken for granted. I didn't even send her a birthday invitation, even though it would have only been out of courtesy, since she isn't in town. Hmmmm....courtesy....there's that idea again.


In other news.....

There is a man where I work, one of our residents, who is certifiably crazy. And I mean that "certifiably" part literally. He has papers. He gives me the heebie-jeebies. I'm used to working around crazy people (Hell-o, Mrs. Jacobs!) But the thing with this guy is he is constantly upset. I see him walking up the sidewalk while I'm driving and I turn the other way so he can't see me and know my car. Every time he comes into the office he has something to complain about, and he makes threats. They're the kind of threats that get someone thrown in jail, or at least call for a restraining order. I don't know that he's ever acted on these threats, but I'm afraid of when he does.

Your input is requested, please...

I know that in the past I have written about my best friend's upcoming wedding. Here's an update: It has been postponed. I was having issues with finding a location for the bridal shower, and in my attempts to contact her mother about using a cousin's home, I find out (through her mother) that the wedding has been postponed due to the fiance's pending deployment. I was shocked, and wasn't quite sure as to what I should do as far as speaking to the bride-to-be. Although the diet pressure and the wedding pressure was slightly relieved for me, I didn't know what exactly the protocol would be for comforting her. I waited a few days, since I wasn't sure how fresh the wound was, and called her, leaving a message, saying I understood if she didn't want to talk, but that I would be there for her if she needed me. About a week passed, with no answer, and I tried calling again, with the same results. I noticed she was online at one point, so I emailed her. I still have not received a response from any of my attempts.
Then, earlier last week, I called her from my work number, since about 3 weeks had passed and I was getting worried, thinking she was holed up in a bathroom somewhere, slowly rocking herself and singing "It's a Small World After All." Since she didn't know my number at work, she picked up, and was apparently asleep. I told her that all I wanted to know was that she was ok, and she didn't have to talk about the situation if she didn't want to. She hung up shortly after. About a week or so later I got a call from her after I was already in bed, in which she updates me on some little things going on, and to ask if I was ok (I was in an accident on Tuesday night...I'm ok), and to ask if she and her mom could stay at my house this weekend. I told her she'd have to ask my mom and to call her, since I am not living at the house.
Then last night, after speak with my dad he goes, "So, (bride) and (groom) eloped, huh?" I politely corrected him, for surely he must be mistaken. Surely, if they were married, I would have been informed. We've been best friends for ten years. I'm the maid of honor, for god's sakes! After spending more time than necessary correcting my dad, I got off the phone, and my other best friend calls. She had been on the phone with my mother regarding some travel plans, and she says to me, "Did you know (bride) got married?" I told her I had no idea, and was sure she was mistaken (the only place she would have heard it from is my mother), but since she was the second person I had heard this from in the last fifteen minutes, I decided to go right to the source. I can't have rumors going around about people I love. I text her, "Are you already married?" Then I call. No answer. I'm going crazy waiting for her, so I call the fiance, and he tells me that yes....they got married.
So now I'm hurt, and I'm angry, and quite disrespected. And the more I think about it and try and maybe rationalize it, the angrier I get! She wasn't even the one to tell me the wedding was postponed! It was up on her (social networking site)'s webpage, but she never told me. In fact, I might still be trying to plan the shower if I hadn't called her mother. So she tells my mother before she tells me that she's married already. Does she call quickly afterward so that she is still the person that tells me first? Nope. Has she even tried to call yet to talk about it? Nope. And am I planning on speaking to her at all? I'll let you fill in this response.
In fact, I'm sending the two-sizes-too-small dress back to her, saying maybe she should find a real size 14 that can fit into it.
Am I wrong here?