Conclusion!

Ok, so I have been looking at reviews of New York's best restaurants all night. Don't ask me why! In the background, I'm watching Sex and the City. I decided, just for the hell of it, to drop by Dolce and Gabbana's webpage, just to check out the clothes and stuff. One click, and I see this gorgeous male model draped across the page, slightly sweaty and scruffy. All in one moment, I have a major epiphany, something I think I may have always known but for some reason it just clicked. If I lose about 50-70 pounds, I can have just about any man I want. i'm fairly smart, and not half bad looking. So...here we go!

Catch up!!!

OK, so I haven't blogged in a while, although I swear I have intended to. So much I have on my mind, so many things I need to get out.
I had my first post grad reality check last Friday. I got hit by that "Holy shit, I'm not in college anymore" feeling. I was on my way to my very first major job fair in Atlanta, and I got so scared. Scared to the point that I almost chickened out. But if I had done that, it would just make me like all those others that settle for whatever. What would it be worth if I didn't have to overcome something to get it? Granted, it didn't go AT ALL like I thought it would, but some good did come from it. The representatives from the NSA were assholes. I think it would have been less offensive if they had ripped up my resume right in front of me. Yet, I did find alot of interesting possibilities, and thanks to my friend Fernando, have found a silver lining! I may get to do something other than be a bilingual sales rep after all!
*Aside: I love Atlanta!!!!*
Other than that, the knee situation is going so much slower than I want it to, and I keep wondering if it doesn't have to do with my lack of insurance. I'm afraid my knee may be healing the wrong way.
In relationship news.....
My ex is back, and I am nothing if not confused. On the upside, he is paying me back what he owes me (finally!), but we're also speaking again, almost as much as we did when we were dating. We've talked about it, and he knows he was a total dick in cheating on me, and he knows how much it hurt me. At least he says he knows it. I don't think he can empathize, however. He has promised never to lie to me again, and I want to believe him, really, I do. But I don't. Every time he tells me he's going to work overnight, I have this horrible sneaking suspicion that he's lying. He may not be! I know this! He may really be working....but I don't trust him. He knows this as well. And you know, he says he loves me, and I love him too. But when I think about it, about telling him I love him, all I can think about is how much I don't trust him. It's a comfort thing. He knows me better than most people. We can talk about anything. I am comfortable with him. The thing is, I know I am so happy without him. I don't NEED him. And I think that's a good thing. We've established that we're not in a relationship, nor will we be until circumstances change. And honestly, I am not planning my life around being closer to him, like I was before. Maybe he thinks I am, but I am not. If it happens, and it works out, fine. That's the difference between now and before. But I can't trust him, and I wish there was some way I could feel that he really is working at regaining that trust. I don't want to date him, not now, not like this. I don't think he's changed - at all.
I have met a really nice guy that I like alot! And I am pretty sure he likes me too. Someone I am genuinely happy around, and have fun with. But he'd better man up....because I want to know how he feels....