Saturday, December 8, 2007

A Horse of a Whole 'Nother Color!

Ok, so after a crazy 13 hour stint at work, I conned one of my coworkers (sorta) into seeing the late-late showing of "The Golden Compass." I remember being interested in seeing it when I initially saw the previews, and when I found out it was written by Phillip Pullman, I knew it was something I wanted to see. I had read some of his other books of the young adult genre when I was in high school, and they were all great. I'm also a big fan of C.S. Lewis and the fantasy-as-allegory types of literature, so I had to see what this was all about.
Within the last couple of weeks, I've heard the controversy over Pullman's atheist views on the book/movie. I approached it in two different ways. The first I like to refer to as "the Harry Potter Principle." It's just a movie. People are worried about their children seeing this movie and wanting to know about atheism. Well, if a child watches a movie and all of a sudden is atheist, you have more to worry about than a movie. I am all for parents supervising what their children are exposed to, but chances are, most children won't grasp the atheist views. The second way I look at the controversy is more defensive. What better way to be able to defend your beliefs than to "know thy enemy," as Sun Tzu would say. Know what else is out there, and learn more about your own beliefs in the meantime. But I'm a twenty four year old woman. I'm pretty sure I am smart enough not to get brainwashed by a fantasy movie. I also think that since Pullman was up front and open about his atheist views rather than trying to sneak them in, and I respect that.
So, I saw it. I was sleepy, and had second thoughts, but I saw it. At the 12:15 showing. Zzzzzz.... huh?
I should probably start off by saying I am Roman Catholic, and went to Catholic schools until college. I'm no religious fanatic, but I do recognize the role religion has played in my life. Now, I've seen some atheist movies and read some atheist books. Carl Sagan's "Contact," for example. I can see the ideals there, and understand them. "The Golden Compass," however, was not only atheist, it was totally anti-religion, and I am not sure I was expecting that. It was almost surprising to see something so opposite my own faith. The movie itself was really entertaining. The actors were very good, and the story alone was really well written, and I will go see the next installment. But wow...Pullman really has some strong feelings about religion, and I am guessing the Catholic Church is in the foreground of his opinions. The "evil" organization, the "bad guys," are called the "Magisterium," which is actually a Roman Catholic term which refers to the teaching authority of the Church. It also is meant to interpret the Word of God. In a scene that takes place in a Russian-like town, I saw what looked like icons painted on the walls of a "Magisterium" building, very similar to those found in Byzantine and many Orthodox churches. Needless to say, I was amazed.
After all that, I am not quite sure what to make of the movie. I liked it, but at the same time, I feel almost hurt. Is that the right word, hurt? I'm not sure. Did anyone else see it? Let me know what you think...

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Right Now

Right now there is so much going on and I am trying to figure out how to sort it all, and where to put things.
First and foremost, Christmas is coming. I'm making three different types of candy to give as gifts. Two are different varieties of chocolate bark, one featuring roasted cashews, and dried cranberries and apricots, and the other with candied orange and walnuts. The last candy is a chocolate pretzel cup. Classic. I have to make myself a little "to do" list so I can get it all done on my day off tomorrow.
Along with Christmas, my trip to Yellowstone is also fast approaching. I leave in a week and a half, and I don't feel like I am the least bit ready! I bought snowy weather clothing, but I want to make another list to make sure I have everything I need! I keep thinking, "Do I need gloves? What about a scarf? Do I have one? Where are my boots? I don't have any socks!"

On a larger scale, I have been muddling over some big decisions. I need to do more with my career and education if I want to get where I want to go. If I want to work for the State Department, I need more under my belt than just a B.A. and two foreign languages. I need something BIG. I have decided I am going to either join the military or the Peace Corps. I'm going to apply for the FSO exam, and if it pans out, it pans out. However, I don't have very high hopes, so if they say no, I'm looking at the Air Force or Navy, or the Peace Corps. The Air Force takes care of their people, but are slow to promote. The Navy, on the other hand, has great leadership and good opportunities for language professionals. I don't want to spend my years in something I don't overly want to do sitting there like a lump on a log. I want to get things done. I want my time in the military to be useful. I kind of skated through college, doing ok, but I feel like I could have done more. I want to go to the DLI to be trained in Arabic or Farsi. I want my time to be well-spent, and rightfully so.
The Peace Corps wouldn't be such a bad idea, either. The experience I know would be incredible, no matter what I end up doing. It's run by the State Department, which is eventually where I want to be. The pay isn't great, which is the opposite of the military. I do think, though, it would change my life. I have a lot of research to do.
I also have a job I am looking at in Denver, also within the government with possibility of promotion. I just want a change, that's all. I feel restless. I can't wait tables forever. I can barely stand to do it another week.
No matter what, I think my life is pulling me away from something, away from someone that I am not sure I can let go of, even though I have no idea how it will work out.
I'll take an input anyone has to offer. In the meantime I am trying to relax so I can make a good decision.

Monday, November 5, 2007


Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

Friday, October 26, 2007


Ok, I have a question and I would like for everyone who reads this thing to leave a comment as your answer. I'd really appreciate your input.

If you know that someone you care about is lying to you, is it your responsibility to call him or her on it? Or, do you let that person continue to lie, allowing them to eventually answer for their own actions?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Men vs. Women

I was speaking to a coworker this evening who is trying to earn back the trust of his wife after having cheated on her. I knew he was cheating; I even saw him at work with the other woman. He was talking about how hard it was working through things with her, and I understand. I don't think he gets how a woman processes infidelity. It's not just the idea that the person she loves has been untrue. She also questions his honesty and integrity in all other situations. Not only that, she questions herself. She wonders, "Was it me? Was I not enough? Am I not pretty enough? Did I not treat him well enough?" Because of the way women are built emotionally, they internalize everything, and wonder if it was their caring or lack thereof that drove the man to cheat.
And it really isn't that easy to regain the trust. It would take an extremely long time to get that privilege back, if it ever happens at all. As much as she tries (and this does apply for men as well), she will question every other thing he does. It doesn't matter if he is 100% honest or not, and hopefully he would be. Still, every time he calls to say he's working late, or turns his cell phone off, or even goes out with the boys, she'll wonder if that's what he's really doing. It's not just on the woman to work on the trust, the man will have to show that he's trying, too. If not, what's the use?

I speak from experience. (You think?!)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


I think I've been angry for a long time and haven't known how to deal with it. Instead I've shut people out and shut myself away. I often turn to strangers to talk so I don't get overly emotional and can be objective. I feel tired, apathetic, and pained. I don't care anymore, but at the same time I feel hurt. It seems I only piss people off because I don't know what to do. I don't want people asking me questions. I feel that if I want to talk, I will. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

First times...

I never thought this would happen, but last night, for the first time in my life, I slept with my bedroom door locked. In my house we hardly even close doors, let alone lock them. But apparently, this is what things have reduced to. Not only do I sleep with my purse next to my bed and hide my car keys, but now I lock my door. Why? Last night as I was lying in bed watching TV, I heard my brother in my bathroom, which is right next door to my room. He's been in there several times in a short period, which makes me wonder. It's been happening like that more and more within the last two weeks or so. Anyways, I hear something fall and I knock on the door to see if he is ok and see what he broke. Instead, I am immediately hit with the odor of vomit, and not just any vomit, but drunk vomit. I asked him is he had been throwing up and he said no (as he wiped his chin), and then I asked if he had been drinking, and he angrily replied that he hadn't. Never mind that his eyes were glossy and he was slightly slurring. I work at a bar! I know what drunk looks like. He went into his room and locked the door (suspicious). I went to use the bathroom but before I could get anywhere I stopped as I stepped into a small but slimy puddle of vomit. Yeah, ew. I knocked on the door for him to come clean it up and he tells me to F*** off, more or less. So I called my mom and she came upstairs, confirmed everything, including that she had found more empty bottles he'd stolen. He came out of his room, saying he shouldn't have to clean up he vomit (!) since my floor was dirty as it is. I didn't realize vomit was ok compared to a few hairs in the corner. He'd also puked in the bathtub and on one of my shoes. I cleaned that up, as my brother got more and more belligerent. My mother told me to go to my room and lock the door and go to bed. I did.
Yet the whole time, all I could think about was how low the situation has sunk. I was also scared of what my brother was doing behind his on closed and locked door. Things are ok today, or so they seem, but who knows how it will be tonight. I'm scared, really.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Not a crab...but....

More and more each day I’m realizing how much I really enjoy being alone. As much as I like going out, I have started to like my Saturday nights at home with a bottle of wine, watching Britcoms on public television. How boring am I? Is it that the nightclub scene here in Augusta is played out? Part of me wonders if I’ll go through another “wild” phase once I have moved out and lost some weight (which, by the way, is going quite well). Maybe the reason I haven’t gone out much is because of the money. No, not maybe, that’s DEFINITELY part of it. Buying a bottle of wine is definitely much cheaper than buying a few cocktails at a club, especially the ones that are worth anything, and I get a much more comfortable buzz.
And on the subject of being alone. I love it. Yeah, I’m pathetic. I really do love it though. I have no one to whom I must answer, I don’t have to worry about whether someone needs me or not or if it’s only a lie. I don’t have to consider the possibility of someone cheating. There’s no way I could get hurt. I won’t have to think about whether someone appreciates what I do, and be upset when they don’t. Friends are fine, but a relationship is more work than I want.
Shit. I’m a hermit.

Monday, August 27, 2007


Ok, so I have been looking at reviews of New York's best restaurants all night. Don't ask me why! In the background, I'm watching Sex and the City. I decided, just for the hell of it, to drop by Dolce and Gabbana's webpage, just to check out the clothes and stuff. One click, and I see this gorgeous male model draped across the page, slightly sweaty and scruffy. All in one moment, I have a major epiphany, something I think I may have always known but for some reason it just clicked. If I lose about 50-70 pounds, I can have just about any man I want. i'm fairly smart, and not half bad looking. we go!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Catch up!!!

OK, so I haven't blogged in a while, although I swear I have intended to. So much I have on my mind, so many things I need to get out.
I had my first post grad reality check last Friday. I got hit by that "Holy shit, I'm not in college anymore" feeling. I was on my way to my very first major job fair in Atlanta, and I got so scared. Scared to the point that I almost chickened out. But if I had done that, it would just make me like all those others that settle for whatever. What would it be worth if I didn't have to overcome something to get it? Granted, it didn't go AT ALL like I thought it would, but some good did come from it. The representatives from the NSA were assholes. I think it would have been less offensive if they had ripped up my resume right in front of me. Yet, I did find alot of interesting possibilities, and thanks to my friend Fernando, have found a silver lining! I may get to do something other than be a bilingual sales rep after all!
*Aside: I love Atlanta!!!!*
Other than that, the knee situation is going so much slower than I want it to, and I keep wondering if it doesn't have to do with my lack of insurance. I'm afraid my knee may be healing the wrong way.
In relationship news.....
My ex is back, and I am nothing if not confused. On the upside, he is paying me back what he owes me (finally!), but we're also speaking again, almost as much as we did when we were dating. We've talked about it, and he knows he was a total dick in cheating on me, and he knows how much it hurt me. At least he says he knows it. I don't think he can empathize, however. He has promised never to lie to me again, and I want to believe him, really, I do. But I don't. Every time he tells me he's going to work overnight, I have this horrible sneaking suspicion that he's lying. He may not be! I know this! He may really be working....but I don't trust him. He knows this as well. And you know, he says he loves me, and I love him too. But when I think about it, about telling him I love him, all I can think about is how much I don't trust him. It's a comfort thing. He knows me better than most people. We can talk about anything. I am comfortable with him. The thing is, I know I am so happy without him. I don't NEED him. And I think that's a good thing. We've established that we're not in a relationship, nor will we be until circumstances change. And honestly, I am not planning my life around being closer to him, like I was before. Maybe he thinks I am, but I am not. If it happens, and it works out, fine. That's the difference between now and before. But I can't trust him, and I wish there was some way I could feel that he really is working at regaining that trust. I don't want to date him, not now, not like this. I don't think he's changed - at all.
I have met a really nice guy that I like alot! And I am pretty sure he likes me too. Someone I am genuinely happy around, and have fun with. But he'd better man up....because I want to know how he feels....

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

No News is Good News

More news on my knee, for anyone who wants to know:
I went to the orthopedic clinic today for a follow-up appointment, since I didn't seem to be getting better like I should. As it turns out, I don't have merely a dislocated kneecap. I also have torn ligaments and when the kneecap slid out of place, a piece of bone came off and is still stuck in my leg. I have an MRI in a week, and I guess from there one of us will have to decide whether I will be better off with surgery or extensive rehab work.
In the meantime, I'm out of work again. This sucks. I have to find something to do to make money while I'm stuck on my ass.

On a lighter note, I met a great guy, who I really, really like. And he made the first move! The only thing is, he's often hard to read. I like him, but I don't want to get too attached, since I'm so afraid of being hurt. I want something, but at the same time I don't. Maybe if he could just say, "I like you"????

Saturday, July 21, 2007


Llego la medianoche,
Y la luna se cuelga en el cielo humedo de verano
Como un pedazo de melon, jugoso y lleno de tentacion
Y yo, con sueños de bailar
Me quedo mirandola
Como si este pedacito de melon me pudiera llevar
La mujercita con sueños de bailar.
Quitame esos sueños, que ya voy a ganar.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Status and Misunderstandings

Ok, this is getting to be irritating. I do NOT have a boyfriend. I AM single. I am NOT "looking." It seems that people are under the assumption that "single" means "single and looking." It does not. I am not at a point in my life where I want a boyfriend. I spent the last 5+ years of my life constantly being in some sort of relationship. To be honest, I don't need that right now. I'm having fun by myself. I've met guys I enjoy talking with, spending time with, and if the time and/or place were right, it would work out, without a doubt. Just not right now. Is that so wrong? And how do I get that through people's heads without being rude? Because a simple "Thanks, but no thanks" is apparently not sufficient.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

New developments

Well, I'm not going back to work tomorrow. Or the next day. I got a call from my boss today and she says she's not putting me on until next Friday. In a way, I'm relieved. I was scared that I would get in there and not be ready. But at the same time, I want to go back. I don't like not being able to do anything. I enjoy working, as stressful as it can be. Work is a blessing. I'm lucky to have a job as nice as the one I have. But at least this way I will be better and more prepared.

On a different note, I SAW THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE!!! Yes, that's right...I went to the midnight show. It was a very good movie, and stuck to the book better than any Potter movie thus far. The actors are phenomenal; wonderfully selected and casted. Nothing was added, as in other movies, like #3 Prisoner of Azkaban. But, there were a few things I thought were left out. I mean, the movie was only 2 hours and 19 minutes! I think true fans wouldn't have minded 3 hours; that's how long Goblet of Fire was. The one main thing I wanted to see in Order of the Phoenix was the Black house. I wish there was more explanation of the Black family history. Kreacher was a major character, and he barely got two scenes. There also wasn't much explanation of the prophecy either. They didn't even say that Professor Trelawney was the one who made it, or discuss Dumbledore's involvement. I feel like I need to go back and read the book again. Actually, I initially listened to it on tape, and it was FANTASTIC. I also wish there would have been more explanation about the Death Eaters and who they were. Screw it, I'm going back to read the book again. There is also an excellent program that A&E has out called "Harry Potter: The Hidden Secrets." Definitely worth a look for a true fan.

Yeah, I'm a dork.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I can't tell if I am getting better or not. It hurts, and both my ankle and knee are still swollen. I am trying to stay off of it, but I think I need to more. Now. For the rest of the night. (Except for the Harry Potter midnight showing tonight.) I've been going up and down the stairs, for laundry...and food. As much as I enjoy reading and sitting in my armchair checking out my rating on "" (8.0), I can't NOT do anything. But at the same time, am I going to be ready for work on Thursday?

Sunday, July 8, 2007

On the Menu...

Okay, since I have been spending my time reading and watching plenty of Food Network programming (and, since it's Saturday night, Britcoms), I haven't been able to think about much other than food. I haven't been eating, just thinking about food. And I've come up with a few menus. I love cooking for friends, even though I get a little panicky. Anyone want to come over? I may not be able to get around, but man, have I got some tasty ideas.

*Filet Mignon in a Wild Mushroom and Red Wine reduction
Served over sauteed organic baby spinach
With Yukon potato wedges sprinkled with paprika, sea salt and pepper
Dessert: Lemon Sorbet with fresh mint
Appetizer: French baguette with boursin and brie

*Grated Potato Encrusted Halibut
Steamed Broccoli Raab and white wine-braised yellow squash
seasoned with garlic, fennel, and pepper
Dessert: Chilled watermelon
Appetizer: Goat cheese slices coated in spicy and sweet toasted almonds
served over mixed baby greens

*Italian Sausage with peppers and onions on grilled Italian bread
topped with smoked Provolone
Served with a salad of mixed greens, grape tomatoes, red onion, olives,
and cucumber tossed in a balsamic vinaigrette
Dessert: Bavarian Apple-Almond Torte
Appetizer: Wheat Bruschetta topped with pesto and grated Romano

*Pork Medallions in a dried cherry sauce
Served with whipped sweet potatoes
Grilled baby asparagus
Dessert: Chocolate cake topped with amaretto-infused whipped cream
and fresh raspberries
Appetizer: Pecan-encrusted baked Brie and Granny Smith apple slices

Okay, now I'm hungry....damn.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Laid up

Okay, so I am suffering from (here it comes, the official medical term) a subluxation of the patella. (Translation: I fucked up my kneecap.) It slid way out of place, pulling the muscle with it. Apparently everyone's kneecaps (that's right....ALL OF 'EM!) fit into a groove, and mine is shallow. Something I did knocked it out of place RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE FLOOR at Modjeska. I fell to the floor, although I am under the assumption that someone either helped me down or my ginormous ass cushioned my fall so nicely I didn't even notice. While I was writhing on the floor and trying to convince the nice bouncers not to call an ambulance, one of the friends I was with slipped me back into place, making it okay for me to get up and hobble out. And I wasn't even drunk!
After quite a bit of crying and utter embarrassment, I made it home and then to an urgent care facility, where a doctor told me it was just pulled, and that the worst thing that could have happened was a few torn fibers. I can't work until mid-next week, and I have to stay with it elevated, with occasional exercise until I can walk decently. So here I am, with nothing to do but read, watch TV, and check my MySpace until I have to use the bathroom or get hungry. Fortunately, I am making it without crutches around the house. However, both Heidi and my parents think I am "rushing it." I just don't like not being in control.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007


After showering before work this morning, I noticed a little extra curve starting to make its way around my midsection and there and then I made a decision: ENOUGH! I wasn't about to let myself get any bigger. I always tend to procrastinate and find a reason not to exercise, but now I really have nothing to do but work. So, here we go. I worked and busted my ass for 8 hours today at work, and ate well. I didn't know what I was going to do about exercise, but opportunity presented itself in a friendly form. As I was getting a pedicure with my friend Randa, she mentioned she was going to the gym and to her bellydance class after she left the salon. She has been trying to get me to go with her for months now, and since I had school I never had time. I thought to myself, "What's stopping me?" I went to the class with her and had a great time! I'll be joining the gym tomorrow and going to that class regularly, as well as one of the other classes they offer. Aside from that, it's a 24-hour facility, so I can go anytime. I sweated and danced like crazy, and I can't remember when I've had a better time. The only thing is, the walls are lined with mirrors, so I have to look at my fat ass jiggling all over that place. (Bonus: I do look extremely TAN!) But, that I can deal with. Maybe I'll see myself getting smaller. Here we go! Feel free to encourage me, lord knows I'll need it...

Monday, July 2, 2007


My brother is a less-than-productive individual, and hardly your average law-abiding citizen. He is a high school dropout, and a three-time tech school dropout. He's on his second strike with the state of Georgia, can't get a job, and is in EXTREME debt. He has had problems with certain substances for as long as I can remember. He is currently living at my parents' home, doing just short of nothing (he helps my father with outdoor work on occasion). My parents not only supply him with food and shelter in a rent-free environment, but they also finance his pack-a-day nicotine habit. I live at home as well, but have been gainfully employed (more or less) since I was 15 years old, and I have a college degree. I don't need to go into the job search. Anyways, here's what I'm leading up to. My mother calls me as I'm finishing up at work and tells me that Eric is out of cigarettes. She asks me to pick up a pack for him on the ay home. Here's the deal: I told my brother from day one when he was at the Mission, I would buy him food, books, soap, etc., but never cigarettes or alcohol. After thinking about it, I told my mom he was just S.O.L. and that I was not going to buy cigarettes for him. Did I do the right thing here? My mother lays a subtle guilt trip on me, like I should just have bought the cigarettes, but I'm sorry. I'm not going to do it. Ever.

Sunday, July 1, 2007


Growing...not up, but out. I have to get out. I'm still looking for a job, but somehow I can't seem to find one. I don't think it's responsible to just up and leave without having some sort of plan, but I am this close to just packing and going. I want to be able to sit in on a Sunday afternoon and read without feeling like I'm neglecting something. I don't like feeling guilty for needing time to relax. I need to be on my own, and it's about time.
I'm jealous of those who can spend their time exactly like they want. I would like to be able to ration out my time the way I want to, rather than how my mother wants it, which usually allows for 15 minutes per menopause joke she gets from her emails. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe I'm just PMSing.

Friday, June 22, 2007


So I'm home now from Mexico, after an amazing trip. Nothing happened on a grand scale, but I felt so comfortable there. The people were so warm and nice, and the area was beautiful. I think I spoke Spanish about 98% of the time. I'm so proud that Heidi was starting to understand. I feel bad speaking in a language others don't understand. Most of the time I translated for her. I never expected to like - no - love Mexico as much as I did. The beauty of the culture and traditions amazed me. I almost don't see Georgia the same anymore. I feel out of place, like there is really nothing for me her anymore. I can't wait to go back. I think this trip was just what I needed.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Thus far....

What I have learned....
...Spend the entire day on a boat, and chances are you will also spend the night there too.
...Make plans, but expect nothing. You will ALWAYS be surprised, and always have a good time.
...Dancing and not caring who is watching only makes people watch more.
...It's ok not to wear a bra.
....A cotton sundress can do wonders.
...It doesn't take much.

Thursday, June 7, 2007


I'm afraid I've become a cynic. I've become someone I've never wanted to be. When I broke up with Phillip, I told myself I didn't want to become this embittered woman. But honestly, I think I give up. After being with him for so long, and putting everything I had into that relationship, trusting in him, then finding out that everything might as well be a lie, it left a mark. And the guys I gave a chance to (after much deliberation) only turned out to be major disappointments. And now, I don't want a boyfriend. I don't even want to get married. I don't want children. Everything I thought I wanted, now I don't.
Maybe it's not that I don't think I won't find someone. I'm just afraid of being let down...again. It seems that every time I get a little excited about someone, I get disappointed. Say whatever you want: I'm "meeting the wrong guys"; There's "someone out there somewhere"; blah blah blah...You know, I'm even finding that when I am asked out for a date, I just DON'T WANT TO GO. It's not that the guys aren't nice or whatever, and I am not turning them down either. I'll say yes, but when it all comes down to it, I just have no desire to go.
I'm ok being alone, really I am. But then I'm around my two best friends, both of which have serious boyfriends. My VERY best friend, Cindy, is even getting married next year, and guess who is the maid of honor? I see them together, and how happy they are, and the only thing I feel is that feeling that I will never have that. When I went to get my palms read on my last birthday, the woman said my love line was long, but that I "should have found" my soul mate already. Does that mean I already met him and let him go, or maybe that now I won't find him since I already "should have?" I get lonely, but in the end, it's really just me. I enjoy being alone. I can think, and I don't have to answer to anyone. I can go out and have fun and do whatever I want. But once in a while I wouldn't mind having someone to hug me. Then maybe they could just go back home. I don't want a "friend with benefits." It just makes me feel used. If I am going to enter into that kind of relationship again, I'd rather there be something more between me and the other person besides some lust and a few shots of vodka.
Cindy tells my mom that she thinks I have high standards as far as guys go. And maybe I do. I just don't want to be let down. I'm scared.
What's wrong with me?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My Post Grad Life: Initial

My post grad life. I never thought I would actually be at this point. I've always been at student, well, at least since I was 4. That would mean I've been in school nearly every day of my life for 20 years! Everyone keeps asking me how it feels, and to be honest, I don't know! It''s boring! I have nothing to do when I'm not at work. I've always had something else going on, whether it's a job, schoolwork, studying, whatever. And now, there's nothing. I don't have to study anymore. No more cramming, tutoring, being tutored. I see these kids hanging around the coffee shops I tend to frequent, poring over books, preparing for what I guess would be their finals. And I don't have to do that anymore! It's strange....
Another thing is that I'm trying to find a job. After I finished my training at MCG I thought it would be easier than for, say, an English major. I thought I'd actually have a chance with the interview at MCG. Yet, on the contrary, I've never felt more insecure. MCG turning me down didn't make me feel any better, even though the job wasn't the best one. I know I'm smart; that I have good, marketable skills. Now will somebody please pay me for them?
Maybe the deal is that I am going to have to leave Augusta to find a job. If that's the case, I'm fine with that, I just am scared that I'm not ready. No wait - I AM ready. Well, maybe just emotionally and mentally. I like being alone and on my own. I've found quite a few jobs online, ranging in location from Boston to Tucson, for medical interpreting, but the funny thing is, most of them require only a High School diploma. How is that possible? Is medical protocol and patient relations a high school-only concept? Do I want a job in which my coworkers would have a drastically lower level of education and frame of mind than mine? Wait, that sounded snooty. Well, at least I know what I'm trying to say.
I know it's highly unlikely for people to find a job in their exact field of study, but I have the training to do exactly what I have studied, more or less.
Is it always this confusing?