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Monday, October 20, 2008

I paid $80 for it; I can call it whatever I want!

I recently made a rather disturbing purchase. Well, maybe it's not so much "disturbing" as it is a radically new move for me. I never really thought I'd buy one, but it's really not such a bad idea. What is it? I bought a girdle. That's right - a beige creation that stretches from just below my bra to the middle of my thighs that must have been fashioned out of what could only be NASA-grade materials. When I set out to buy it, I figured my ideal body shaper would start at my ankles and work its way up like a tube of toothpaste so that I would just end up with a FANTASTIC rack (not that my rack isn't fantastic already). Alas, no one carried what I wanted short of a wetsuit, and wetsuits don't necessarily make one's boobs look good. (And how would I use the bathroom?) I did find something interesting, though. I'm going to call it a girdle because I think it's funny. Correct me all you want. It may really be called a "body shaper," or more commercially, "Spanx," but refer to the title of this post for my comment on that. I did pay $80 for it, after taxes and all. Estimated time for assembly: 15 minutes, or what felt like a lifetime. I needed MORAL support to get this sucker on. But the result? A sleeker me! The fat wasn't gone, but visibly diminished. My sharp curves were all smoothed out. Nice. Worth the 1/7 of my paycheck, after taxes. I wore it to a wedding this past weekend, one at which I really felt that I had to look good. As a test run, I wore it for a full day at work. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I nearly got a UTI since I was so scared of using the bathroom with the thing on. It did, however, improve my posture, and the next evening it looked just wonderful with the dress I wore. Conclusion? Girdles are GREAT. Girdles are magic. Girdles are....expensive. And if your mom really loves you, she'll help you in the bathroom of the reception hall so you can...um...go.

2 comments:

Ashley said...

hahahaha! that's too funny. I knew there was a reason pretty much everyone wore girdles until the 60's. I'd want one if I wasn't so invested in remaining lumpy.

Karin said...

My mom was always trying to get me to wear a girdle because she insisted that they worked and that they weren't that uncomfortable. But I never would because they were so old-lady. Then Spanx came along and changed my life. My mom thinks she's been proven right and always says how much better I look now that I wear a girdle. And I always say, "No ma, I wear Spanx, it's not the same." "Yes it is," she says. Of course she's right, but I'm not admitting it to her. Girdles are great. So great that even I now call my Spanx my girdle. But I don't call it a girdle in front of my mother.