Monday, October 20, 2008

I paid $80 for it; I can call it whatever I want!

I recently made a rather disturbing purchase. Well, maybe it's not so much "disturbing" as it is a radically new move for me. I never really thought I'd buy one, but it's really not such a bad idea. What is it? I bought a girdle. That's right - a beige creation that stretches from just below my bra to the middle of my thighs that must have been fashioned out of what could only be NASA-grade materials. When I set out to buy it, I figured my ideal body shaper would start at my ankles and work its way up like a tube of toothpaste so that I would just end up with a FANTASTIC rack (not that my rack isn't fantastic already). Alas, no one carried what I wanted short of a wetsuit, and wetsuits don't necessarily make one's boobs look good. (And how would I use the bathroom?) I did find something interesting, though. I'm going to call it a girdle because I think it's funny. Correct me all you want. It may really be called a "body shaper," or more commercially, "Spanx," but refer to the title of this post for my comment on that. I did pay $80 for it, after taxes and all. Estimated time for assembly: 15 minutes, or what felt like a lifetime. I needed MORAL support to get this sucker on. But the result? A sleeker me! The fat wasn't gone, but visibly diminished. My sharp curves were all smoothed out. Nice. Worth the 1/7 of my paycheck, after taxes. I wore it to a wedding this past weekend, one at which I really felt that I had to look good. As a test run, I wore it for a full day at work. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I nearly got a UTI since I was so scared of using the bathroom with the thing on. It did, however, improve my posture, and the next evening it looked just wonderful with the dress I wore. Conclusion? Girdles are GREAT. Girdles are magic. Girdles are....expensive. And if your mom really loves you, she'll help you in the bathroom of the reception hall so you


Ashley said...

hahahaha! that's too funny. I knew there was a reason pretty much everyone wore girdles until the 60's. I'd want one if I wasn't so invested in remaining lumpy.

Karin said...

My mom was always trying to get me to wear a girdle because she insisted that they worked and that they weren't that uncomfortable. But I never would because they were so old-lady. Then Spanx came along and changed my life. My mom thinks she's been proven right and always says how much better I look now that I wear a girdle. And I always say, "No ma, I wear Spanx, it's not the same." "Yes it is," she says. Of course she's right, but I'm not admitting it to her. Girdles are great. So great that even I now call my Spanx my girdle. But I don't call it a girdle in front of my mother.