Monday, February 25, 2008

You want more? I know I didn't...

So, I'm an old lady now. Five years away from the big 3-0. Not that I'm afraid of it or anything. My birthday weekend was great - nice, quiet, and personal, just the way I wanted it. Except for the dog getting sick then my parents and myself getting sick.
Do I feel older? As a matter of fact, I do, and that's not a bad thing. My life is moving along. The only thing about moving along, especially with life, is that there are things that get left behind in order to make room for new things. Trash and knicknacks get tossed out the window, and you give away or throw away things that you don't need anymore. Room is needed to grow.
I'm finding that, as I grow older, my circle of true friends is shrinking. I gain new ones, but as I gain I also seem to lose. I received birthday greetings from many people, half of which I didn't even expect. But yet there were two people that I heard nothing from, and it hurts me more than anything. Why do we let the people we care about hurt us the worst? And when we go to stand up for ourselves, we back down because we wouldn't want to hurt them. It makes no sense. Am I afraid I'll lose them? And if I do, would it truly be a loss? Or merely a gain in disguise?