Sunday, January 11, 2009

A New Year...?

Wow...I realized I haven't posted since October. It doesn't seem like that long ago when I think about it, but maybe because I'm thinking of all the times I've considered posting but put it off. I did that last week.
What has changed since last year? Well, the economy got to me and I was laid off from my job. True, this was a job from hell, but it was health insurance. It was knowing exactly how much I would have in my bank account every two weeks. But more importantly, it was health insurance, and a damn good plan at that. I was planning on being out of that job by March of 2009, but not like this. I never thought i'd be drawing unemployment benefits. I never, ever thought I'd be in that place, and most certainly not this soon after graduating from college. My afternoon at the Department of Labor was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was a lesson in pride and humility if I've ever had one. All I could think was that I wasn't like any of "those people" that I saw down there. The whole time, though, I knew that my way of thinking wasn't right, that I knew nothing about any of them, and who knew if there wasn't someone else in the same situation as I was. It was all I could do not to cry out of shame and/or anger. I am, however, extremely lucky to have the Village Deli to fall back on. They have been gracious and generous enough to give me somewhat steady employment. It is better than nothing, and it's something I truly enjoy doing. The customers are better than I could have ever asked for.
In the meantime, I'm trying to figure myself out again. I feel like I'm back at square one, wondering what the hell I am going to do with my life. The job at the apartments wasn't by any means a permanent one, but it was a routine. It was stability. Yet I keep having to ask myself, "Is this what I really want?" Now I think I can take time to get out there and do what I am meant to do and live my own life. We shall see.