Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Next Move

I've never been the kind of girl who plays games. I'm straightforward and sincere, and will generally tell you how I'm feeling, should the case present itself. I've never played too much "hard to get," or teased anyone. I've never purposely ignored someone. I've always felt that these games people play were useless and a waste of time, and someone who was worth my time didn't need to get caught up in all that. I've always said that this is who I am; you can take it or leave it. And I honestly don't care. Nonetheless, my dating life sucks, but I blame that on my being picky.
Yet there's one person that's been in my life for six years now, one that I can't seem to shake, and I'm not sure if I want to or not. I care about him, but although he says he cares about me as well, I just can't bring myself to believe him. Why? Well, for one, he's lied to me and betrayed my trust in the past on more than one occasion. That alone should be enough reason for me to cut him off altogether. Another reason is that he just doesn't seem to show me he cares. Therefore, I have decided to put one of these stupid games that I have always avoided into play. I'm ignoring him. It's not so much out of conniving as it is out of exhaustion. I got tired of being the one to call, the one to say hello first. I got tired of his broken promises to call, and the feeling of being ignored. I don't deserve it, and in my opinion (let me know if you agree with me on this) am owed just a little bit of consideration here. For example: two days ago I used ten of my last dollars (and my lunch hour) to help him out. Did I get a thank you? No. Did he call me since then? No. Did he at least text me? No.
That's when I decided to set the wheels in motion. I want to use 2008 for myself, to make myself a better person, and to grow. The way I have done things in the past hasn't gotten me as far as I want to be, so I'm doing my best to get what I want. I stopped calling him. No texts, either. I didn't hear anything from him until last night. A text message, saying "Hey," nothing else. I didn't answer. Then, an instant message this morning: "hi." Didn't feeling like answering that either. One text message and one (unanswered) phone call later, I'm still here, ignoring him. He knows where to find me. He didn't even leave a message before. I figure if he cares, he'll try harder to get in touch with me. If he doesn't, then, well, that's pretty self-explanatory. I'll deal with that when it gets there, but either way I'll be OK. I don't know what I'll say to him when I do speak to him. Maybe just act nonchalant, like I had better things to do. Like, I said, I've never been one of "those girls."
And I don't know if I want to become one.


Anonymous said...

Good for you! You don't deserve to be treated like that. And I don't think ignoring someone until they decide to be a normal person who treats someone they supposedly care about well could be considered playing a game. I think it's called looking out for yourself and getting what you deserve. Stick to i!